Joe King - Online Memorial Website

Dear Judy, Your site is beautiful,I too lost my soul mate and best friend with out getting to say goodbye,I know how much pain you are feeling, your thoughts are so much like mine, I prayed to GOD that he would take me home but I guess my work here is not finished, just remember Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves memories no one can steal, we have great memories and that I cherished and always will, I pray for you to have peace and for myself to find peace and understanding but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

Hi Judy,

I can't believe that it's been almost five months since I visited this site and posted a condolence.  You have done a beautiful job since my last visit.  I know that your husband and soul mate is proud of you and I do believe that he hears your words and wants to dry your tears.

Our Andrew would have been 21 yesterday.  He died on July 16th, 2005.  (Like you, I don't like the word DIE, but what else is there?)  I did much better this year than in the past.  I guess I'm learning to live again, and as Garth Brooks is famous for singing...it's killing me.  I suppose that eventually, the pain will still be here but not as overwhelming. I try to remember our son as an active athlete who loved everyone and never met a stranger.  Then, I visualize him in the bed in ICU, his head bandaged from the surgery to remove a portion of his skull, and I can remember the silence, other than the sound of the respirator pumping air into his lifeless body.  Maybe that's a new coping mechanism for me, but I know that he must be happier in Heaven, than he would have been had he lived on in a vegetative state.

You are such a pretty woman, inside and out and I know that yu must feel as if part of you is just missing, like an amputated limb.  I can sense the love, I can see it in both of your eyes and I just feel so sad that you're having to learn to live alone again.  You will join him one day, but until then, if you ever need to talk, send an email and I'll give you my number.  I live in NC.........Debi Collins  debi.lynne@hotmail.com

http://andrew-collins.last-memories.com

2 years, the days all just go into one without you here with me. I never know what day of the week it is. Babe, I can't seem to get it together right now. It is like time is standing still but slipping away all at the same time.

I am doing my best to accept that I have to go the rest of my life, however long, without you.I have accepted the fact that I will never be able to understand why you were called away so soon. We had so much ahead of us, and we were so looking forward to growing old together. I guess you shouldn't plan too far in the future God has completely different plans for us all.

24 months is just so hard to comprehend. The tears will just start to flow at any given time they doesn't have to be anything special to be said or to happen,that makes them start.

Babe, the pain of a broken heart is just so hard to put into words. I wonder how I have made it this long, I really don't know how, I do know that you are right here with me helping me to cope everyday. God gives us each a guardian angel and you were mine here on earth and I know you are still my angel.  I could always count on you to take care of things and to hold me up when I was down. I have spent alot more time down than up.I find myself only thinking about joining you again. When will God call me home?? How much longer do I have to wait?? These are questions that haunt me and keep me down. Joe, you were my everything. There has never been a question about that. You and I were soulmates and God put us together and gave us many great years and 2 beautiful children. I am always thankful for that. I am thankful that we went together so well. I am only human and I will always question why you why so young. I know I shouldn't question God but I can't stop myself. I know you wouldn't want me to do that,so I am trying really hard.

I will see you soon, I know you will meet me at Heaven's Gates when God calls me home.

Until then stay close to me and the kids and help us to be better people and to make the right decisions. I love You Babe forever.........

Hey Babe,

I have had a horrible day today. I feel so unbeleivable lonely tonight. I don't know what is different tonight from other nights.

I don't know what to do with Jessica I just can't get her to get her head on straight. I just want to strangle her somedays. Please grab her and help her get right and grow up a little. I need alot of help with her I sure can't get through to her on my own.

Stay close to Justin his has set his goals really high and we know he can do it if he wants to. Keep him safe and give him some patients with me and with Jessica.

Some people have said some really hurtful things to me in the last few weeks and I am having a really hard time letting it go. I feel that a few have taken advantage of me and I got some wounds that need some healing. I let my guard down and got burnt. Please help me be a strong person and not let this happen again. I tried being nice and this is what it got me. So I guess I will go back to being a not so nice person again.

I remember everyday how much I depended on you for everything. I am having a hard time and now I am facing the 2nd ann. of you leaving me. I can't do this anymore. To be honest I have had serious thoughts about just giving up, I don't have anything or do I see anything making me happy again. Babe I have tried to be strong but it is exhausting. 

Joe I never for one minute thought about how I would survive without you. I guess I always thought we would be together forever and that I would be the first to (die),I hate that word. I want you back so bad I can't let this go anymore. I want to be selfish and ask you to come back. I know you are so very very happy, happier than you have ever been and more than I can comprehend but I want you back so very very bad. I look at these pictures and I just want to reach out and touch you. God I miss you so much. Life without you is so miserable.... I love you and miss you so much that most days I am just a zombie. I will never get over this ache nor will it ever ease up. I can't imagine life going on with a heart that is so shattered. All my blood should have bled out of me by now. I know that sounds crazy but I don't think that is just a saying I really think that a heart can break. I will die of a broken heart, not sure when but I know I will die with a broken heart that I got the day I lost you.

Joe please forgive me for everything I did in the past and any mistakes I make from now on. I hate this life and I am ready for it to all come to an end. I know deep in my heart that when my time comes that you will be standing at the gates waiting for me. All this pain will leave and my heart will be healed.

I love you with every breath I take. I know I have said that before but you are loved beyond any words that I have to write. I think that is why I can't sleep I can never let my mind rest. I am always loving you and missing you and thinking about what you may be doing and if you can see all the pain I feel everyday.

Joe I love you and I miss you forever and ever.

I will always honor you and our love in anyway that I can.

Hey Joe,

My tears continue to fall today just like every otherday since you left me all alone. I know you didn't want to leave me but I know too that you are where you have always wanted to be and I could never ask you to leave,even if it were possible. If I could ride on a cloud to Heaven for just one more kiss and one more I love you I would do it in a heartbeat. I could never tell you enough how much I love you, I know you used to get upset with me because I said it non stop , I can still see your smile and how you would always touch my hand in the car when we were riding in quiet and how I could always see the love flowing from you when you told me back. I miss those things, I can't ride in the car quiet anymore I have to have the radio up loud, very loud, the silence drives me insane. I have to admit I have been right on the edge of completely falling apart in the past few months, I have been ready to end it all and join you in Heaven. I am not sure what has stopped me other than I do not want to put the kids through anything else right now. That would be so selfish of me and I don't  want that. I have to continue being strong and helping them however I can. I do not understand God's reason for taking you from me and i never will I have accepted that. But just because I accept it doesn't mean I have stopped asking why????

Friends are few and far between just like before. But now its not me and you its just me. I have managed to hold onto some friends and I have managed to make some amazing new ones. Lynn and Maxine stopped last night for a little while, I haven't heard from them for a while but it was nice. Lisa of course is always just a call away. Cindy and Ed have been great too. Tom and Kim, well you know about them stay close to them and help the anyway you can I really love these guys.

Sherry has been a God send, she is pretty amazing if you can lend a helping hand with her health problems it would be great.

Babe, I wish I could send my love to you and you could send yours back to me but I know you are still in my heart and always will be I hope I still hold a very special place in yours.

I love you forever and ever and will forever be missing you!!

 love you

Judy

Hey Babe,

I know I haven't done things the way you would like for me to do them. I have made alot of mistakes since you left me. I don't know what to say other than I am sorry. Your family has made their decision and I have made mine. I will cut my losses with them and move on. I can't and won't do anymore. I have felt from the moment that I lost you that the family that I thought I was a part of for all these years, turned their backs on me. I mean all I heard was how the company didn't send them cards or flowers or anything, I couldn't get them to understand that me and the kids are your family now. I tried to include your mom and everyone else in everything but it didn't work. I can't please all or any of them so I have quit trying.

I have had to endure all this pain all alone. I have not had anyone that I can lean on except Lisa. She has been a God send.

She listens to me whatever I need to talk about be it good or bad.

Its just a shame that with all the family we had noone has been there for me. I can't force them to continue to accept me now that you have left me. So I will someway somehow manage to hold myself together and continue to honor you and your memory everyday the best way that I can.

Forever loving you and missing you.

Joe,

I hope you can hear me when I am telling you how much I love you and how much I miss you.

That is the only comfort I have right now, I want you to always know my love for you will forever be yours only and it will continue to grow even while we are apart.

I look at some one these photos and go right back to the time. My life is just so torn apart that I am not sure that it will ever be even close to  settled down.

Too many things that didn't get said or done and now there is no time to do what I should have done before.

I only want you to know that I loved you every second when you were here with me and I love you, if possible, even more now.

I am sorry for any and all pain I caused you while you were  here with me. I can't apologize enough for the things that I done and said that  hurt you.

Knowing you are free of pain and sorrow is such a blessing.

I know that smile is radiating across the heavenly skies.

Joe words don't come close to express my love and or my pain for you.

All I can ask now is that you will help me make good decisions and if I fail I ask that you help pick me up and dust me off and lead me in the right direction.

Keep an eye on the kids, they are missing you so very much.

Justin is so much like you, You are proud of them both, I know. You are the best daddy they could have ever had.

I love you Babe, forever crying and longing for your touch.

Hey Babe,

As you know the lawsuit mess is behind me. I wish I could have done more but you know I fought a good fight. Things didn't work out quite the way I had planned but some things that I wanted, I got and others went to the wayside. They knew and I knew that no amount of money would ever replace you nor could it bring you back. I am so  glad I got to have my say with all involved, and that they got to know you and what an amazing man you are.

The few questions that went unanswered I will just have to accept, in the end maybe I will have those answers, but then again maybe not because when I get to Heaven where you are there will be no more sadness or anger only joy.

I have accepted the hand I have been dealt, just because I accept it doesn't mean I like it. I have no choice, God will not return you to me, that is not his plan.

I ache for you every minute of everyday. I think people around me are getting tired of hearing me talk about you, but I don't care, they can leave if they want, because I will never quit talking about you or thinking of you or loving you.

You are a part of my soul and you will always be.

No amount of time will ever take away my love for you. No one will ever come into my life that will mean as much to me as you do.

I still feel like I am in a nightmare, thinking I will wake up and you will be right here with me. I know you are with me and helping me daily, but what I would give to have you back.

Joe nothing I have ever been through has prepared me for this pain. Nothing...

I look at these pictures that surround me and I go back to when and where they were taken, some of them are so hard to look at because i just melt when I look into your eyes. I  love you beyond any words that I can put into writing. 

Joe if I could I would trade places with you because I think the world would be better off if you were here and I was gone. You are such a bigger and better person than I am, or I will ever be.

The kids would be so much better off if you were here to direct them and get them straight. I have not been a very good mother to them  I am trying so hard to continue to do the things that you would do. But again I am a failure. It is so hard not having you here to fall back on when I screw up so bad. I have no business doing this alone. I just keep screwing up. I could always count on you when things were good or bad. No matter what you were there. Always understanding and comforting. Oh my I miss you so very very bad.

This black hole is getting deeper and darker with each passing day. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I just don't care about anything anymore. I don't do the things that I thought were important to me anymore. I do just enough to get through the day. Sleep eludes me for the most part. It has been 22 months and 2 days and I still can't get into our bed. I still sleep on the couch. I have layed down on our bed 1 time and I couldn't stop crying I shook so bad remembering you laying there on the last night seeing you so peacefully awating sleep to take over, you were so tired. God i regret not giving you another kiss goodnight that night. To think that morning when I left our home and kissed you goodbye, I still see you standing in the doorway in your boxes waving goodbye to me as I left for work. I wonder if you felt any differently that morning, if you had any  idea of what was going to happen within a few hours. I wonder if you felt anything different. Did you sense something was going to happen? And to think it was days before I saw your beautiful face again. I still can't get some memories back, there are so many  hours that I can't account for. I find it amazing that God let my mind black out  when they came to the door. I have ben so involved with all the lawsuit stuff that I fianlly feel now that it is over that I can grieve for you properly. I feel that I never got an opportunity to grieve for you, I felt that I was holding everyone and everything together that I never got to give you what I should have. That is what is scaring me now, I have nothing to occupy my mind so I will finally get to deal with losing you. That really scares me because I almost feel that I have not allowed myself to grieve for you.

Babe I will hopefully by the grace of God take my place by your side once again. I love you more than life itself.

Goodnight my love.

Hey Babe,

I went with the Blue and Gold colors. I think it shows you were a BIG fan. Everyone has commented on it. It looks great even after dark when all the lights are glowing.

I sure miss you Babe. Somedays I feel like I am drowning and I have no one to help me. I miss that safe feeling when I was in your arms. What I wouldn't give to feel your arms around me holding me tight again.

I still feel at times that you will walk through the door anytime now, I still look out for red trucks and wonder what we would be doing if you were still here with me.

I hope I have and will continue to honor you and your memory throughout the rest of my life no matter how short or long I have until I meet you at the gates of Heaven.

I Love You Forever

I miss you with every breath.

Forever yours only

Judy